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High Master Interfector's Guide To Patrolling

  1. Never trust the Pathfinder. S/he cannot track, read maps or use tactics. They will either flee combat at inopportune moments or charge headlong into combat, necessitating a headlong charge from those members of the party who do not wish to lug a body around with them.
  2. Never obey the Guards or Pathfinders, they don’t know what they are doing, they have no idea what is going on, and the average intelligence is that of a zombie squirrel.
  3. If, by some miracle, you find a competent leader, protect them. A competent leader ensures that the party remains healthy and uses tactics in combat. This is generally enough to keep everyone alive.
  4. Listen to Priests of Might. We have the miracles to protect you and enhance your fighting abilities, we have the training to hold our own in a fight, and we have the Almighty on our side.
  5. Do not antagonise sprites. From experience this can hurt.
  6. Ignore unimportant orders. Get the job you have been assigned. Make sure you take note of names of people to be left alive. Anything else is generally a waste of time. Let the Guards and Pathfinders do the rest. It makes them feel special.
  7. It doesn’t matter what you are told, if more than three members of the barony patrol groups gather together, there will be combat involved. So have weapons on you at all times.
  8. You can never have enough weapons.
  9. Protection. Protect the party healers. Make sure your weapons are protected by miracles and protect anyone if the healers look like they are going to kill themselves trying to save them.
  10. Remember the most important rule. If you meet it on patrol, you haven’t been told to talk to it, and it doesn’t look like it is going to offer help, kill it as quickly as possible. It must be evil if it is encountered on a patrol unless it is someone you have to talk to or it has healing.
  11. The makeup of goblins tribes appears to be around 95% healers and the rest are evil. Haven’t quite worked this one out yet.
  12. Don’t bother with mages. They are either very good at defending themselves, or suicidal. Either way, helping them is a waste of time.
  13. The Final and most important thing of all. Make sure the party includes at least two life healers and two wounds healers. Otherwise you are utterly screwed.

Here endeth the lesson.